people in high places are in on the killtaker

i was thinking about using the testimony-in-the-book-of-mormon gift for my family party this year but realized i told too many family members about the idea. if everybody knows it's me, it couldn't be thought of as a christmas miracle. so it was back to the drawing board except i don't know what a drawing board is. i was thinking of developing one of my 73 tv-show ideas into a pilot and give the tele-play as a white elephant gift. then i thought, "why settle for a television show when i could give a treatment of one of my 56 movie ideas as a gift." i settled on one i've already discussed on this blog: et ii.

et ii: i'll think of a subtitle later

the film takes place now. elliot--the very same elliot (but not necessarily the same actor)--is a graduate student working on a masters in botany. he's in his late twenties with longish, curly brown hair and a slight beard. he wears, from top-to-bottom, black adidas sambas, average blue levis, black sweatshirt over a light-colored plaid shirt (only the collar shows) and small-framed, non-descript glasses. elliot lives in a small, barely furnished apartment--maybe just a bed, desk and worn-out chair. on the wall above the desk is a georgia o'keefe flower calendar and some photos including a photo taken the halloween elliot spent with et. elliot is at his desk reading darwin. on the desk is a cream-colored rotary phone circa 1985. the phone rings, startling elliot.

elliot: hello?

cut to: a vertical split screen with et on the top and elliot on the bottom. both elliot and et use the same phone.

et: elliot! how's it going?

elliot: fine. who is this?

et: i'll give you a hint: years ago we used to go on bike rides together and occasionally those bikes would fly.

elliot: et!! what's happening? i haven't talked to you since i was a kid. i thought i'd never hear from you again. how are you?

et: pretty good. i just thought i'd phone you at home and see how things are going.

elliot: man, et, your english is great. you're pretty much fluent.

et: well, i have to admit, i'm using a voice-box translator. it automatically converts my language into yours.

elliot: oh. well, how can you understand me?

et: it also converts your language into mine.

elliot: i see. (beat.) so--

et: so i was wondering if you'd like to come and visit my planet. it's a lot like earth--similar atmosphere, mostly water--except there aren't any humans. well, live humans. we have some humans on display at the musuem of natural history. artifacts, fossils and the like.

elliot: from earth?

et: no. there where humaniods--remarkably similar to homosapiens--living on my planet about 500,00 earth years ago.

elliot: did they go extinct?

et: yeah.

elliot: what happened?

et: most ets think a giant asteriod hit our planet and caused their extinction, but i think it was a change in gravity caused by a difference in speed of the rotation of our planet that caused their extinction. but you won't see that theory represented at the musuem of natural history.

elliot: wait. your musuem is actually called the musuem of natural history? that's what we call it here.

et: actually, that's just the way the voice-box translates it.

elliot: oh.

et: so, do you want to come to my planet?

elliot: i'd love to, but i have this big test on friday. this test will make or break my grade.

et: no problem. i can have you back by friday. with our technology, you can spend up to three weeks on my planet for every day on yours.

elliot: how's that possible?

et: first you need to figure out super-string theory, then it'll make sense.

elliot: so your planet is in another dimension?

et: it's complicated.

elliot. ok. what should i bring?

et: just extra clothes--we don't wear any clothes so you should bring your own--and, i was wondering, could you bring some of those candies i love?

elliot: reeses pieces?

et: yeah.

elliot: ok. when are you picking me up?

et: i'll be there in an earth hour.

elliot: i'll see you then.

et: bye.

elliot hangs up the phone. the camera pulls back form a close up to a medium shot. elliot looks directly into the camera and jumps just like he's in a toyota commercial.

elliot: i'm going to space!

so that's the opening scene. from there it's all about the misunderstandings elliot has on et's planet. it's a comedy.

i still hate christmas, but i'm excited for this christms party. or rather i'm excited for when one of my cousins opens up this gift and gets totally depressed. the rest of the party will suck.