Monday, August 25, 2008
they're bigger if you click on them
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
After spending the past two hours reading the blogs of strangers:
Every person who is not a total idiot hates it when people mess up your/you're, their/there/they're. Every person who is not an idiot will, when reading on past blogs and finding that they made one of those mistakes (not because they're as stupid as the other people who make those same mistakes, but because they're such fast typers, or didn't proof read, or whatever other legitimate reasons can be fairly assumed), feel a twinge of, "Oh shit. Now people think I'm a mental retard. They'll think I don't even know the difference between 'your' and 'you're.' So-and-so's opinion of me is ruined slightly, even if it's sub-consciously, because I used the wrong 'it's.'"
But the worst, most hatable thing relating to the different usages is when people are inconsistent in their blogs. In one paragraph it seems like they're TRYING to fuck up every one; in the next, they get them all right.
I also hate when people edit 'sh*t,' but not 'bitch,' 'd@mn,' but not 'ass.' I also hate when people use the '@' for the 'a' in 'damn.' Fuck that Sh!t.
(and when I start using quotation marks and these things: ' (what the fuck are those called??), and feel like I can't stop. I realize I am probably using them incorrectly and breaking the rules of the ', and everyone is sub-consciously (and consciously) hating my guts)
Oh yeah, and when people write a blog and then realize it wasn't a good representation of their wit or brilliance, so they erase it. I think you have to live with your blogging errors. Atone by making the next one good, not erasing this one, butthole.
I don't hate editing one hate blog post three times because I realized some other things I totally hate.
But the worst, most hatable thing relating to the different usages is when people are inconsistent in their blogs. In one paragraph it seems like they're TRYING to fuck up every one; in the next, they get them all right.
I also hate when people edit 'sh*t,' but not 'bitch,' 'd@mn,' but not 'ass.' I also hate when people use the '@' for the 'a' in 'damn.' Fuck that Sh!t.
(and when I start using quotation marks and these things: ' (what the fuck are those called??), and feel like I can't stop. I realize I am probably using them incorrectly and breaking the rules of the ', and everyone is sub-consciously (and consciously) hating my guts)
Oh yeah, and when people write a blog and then realize it wasn't a good representation of their wit or brilliance, so they erase it. I think you have to live with your blogging errors. Atone by making the next one good, not erasing this one, butthole.
I don't hate editing one hate blog post three times because I realized some other things I totally hate.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
if i was starting a riot grrl band, i'd name it
switchblade sisters
if the title alone doesn't make you want to see this movie, let me tell you about some of the ingredients:
-a gang called the silver daggers (with the girls in the gang called the dagger-debs)
-an all women gang called the jezebels (maggie found it in the dictionary)
-a black maoist revolutionary women's gang (the name of the gang is unkown)
-urban warfare with a homemade tank
-a knife fight
-a shootout at a rollerskating rink
switchblade sisters
if the title alone doesn't make you want to see this movie, let me tell you about some of the ingredients:
-a gang called the silver daggers (with the girls in the gang called the dagger-debs)
-an all women gang called the jezebels (maggie found it in the dictionary)
-a black maoist revolutionary women's gang (the name of the gang is unkown)
-urban warfare with a homemade tank
-a knife fight
-a shootout at a rollerskating rink
Friday, May 11, 2007
he was removed from jail
it's a herzog movie, it's been re-released and yesterday was it's last day at the tower.
cobra verde
herzog has a pretty bleak view of human nature and kinski is totally crazy. we try and pull our boat into the ocean but it's too big and the tide isn't high enough and we just have to give up and get pushed around by the waves crashing against the shore. this movie didn't make any sense (but that doesn't mean i didn't like it).
cobra verde
herzog has a pretty bleak view of human nature and kinski is totally crazy. we try and pull our boat into the ocean but it's too big and the tide isn't high enough and we just have to give up and get pushed around by the waves crashing against the shore. this movie didn't make any sense (but that doesn't mean i didn't like it).
Thursday, May 10, 2007
the cult of objectivity
and remember the dress bjork wore to the oscars that year? a swan dress. that may have been the best thing anyone has ever done ever. a swan dress. it's perfect on so many levels. if you don't think bjork's swan dress is cool, i've got some sad news for you: you might be cool, but not awesome. and how did bjork not win an oscar for her performance? it's as good as elizabeth taylor's performance in who's afraid of virginia wolff (which, in my opinion, is one of the best performances ever).
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
i buy shoes without socks
i watched the last half of dancer in the dark on tv last night.
dancer in the dark
imagine lars von treir. he's made a bunch of these movies -- element of a crime, breaking the waves, epidemic, the idiots -- with this totally distinct and unsettling style, he's one of the founding members of dogme 95, he's ushering in digital video and then he goes to whoever is financing his movies and is like, "i want to make a musical. not only that, i want the song-and-dance numbers to be over-the-top with vibrant colors and i want 100 cameras filming the music parts simultaneously and i want to have bjork be the star and write all the music and i want it to be one of the saddest movies ever." and then he does it and it's perfect.
dancer in the dark
imagine lars von treir. he's made a bunch of these movies -- element of a crime, breaking the waves, epidemic, the idiots -- with this totally distinct and unsettling style, he's one of the founding members of dogme 95, he's ushering in digital video and then he goes to whoever is financing his movies and is like, "i want to make a musical. not only that, i want the song-and-dance numbers to be over-the-top with vibrant colors and i want 100 cameras filming the music parts simultaneously and i want to have bjork be the star and write all the music and i want it to be one of the saddest movies ever." and then he does it and it's perfect.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
i think curt schilling takes steriods
some movies i watched this weekend:
putney swope
was that putney swope's real voice? was the movie a satire? a satire of what? advertising, obviously, but also maybe about radical social movements becoming products. we align ourselves politically by the things we buy. i think there's also a critique of the chauvinism of new left.
the structures can't be reformed. we have to burn the entire thing down!!!
invasion of the humaniods
i couldn't find any pictures of the earlier robots, but they are so awesome i don't even think i can try and describe them. the closest thing i can think of are the robots in dr. octogan's alien video. so humans are primarily information processing machines. but then there's the question of embodiment: is our consciousness--our memories, our subjective experience, our whatever--tied to our physical structures or could it be moved into better hardware? don't forget that this is a documentary filmed in the future and meant to be viewed for future junior high school kids learning about the origins of life.
putney swope
was that putney swope's real voice? was the movie a satire? a satire of what? advertising, obviously, but also maybe about radical social movements becoming products. we align ourselves politically by the things we buy. i think there's also a critique of the chauvinism of new left.
the structures can't be reformed. we have to burn the entire thing down!!!
invasion of the humaniods
i couldn't find any pictures of the earlier robots, but they are so awesome i don't even think i can try and describe them. the closest thing i can think of are the robots in dr. octogan's alien video. so humans are primarily information processing machines. but then there's the question of embodiment: is our consciousness--our memories, our subjective experience, our whatever--tied to our physical structures or could it be moved into better hardware? don't forget that this is a documentary filmed in the future and meant to be viewed for future junior high school kids learning about the origins of life.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
get out of my road. i pay taxes.
i hate marathons. specifically the salt lake marathon. i was late to look at an apartment, late to yoga, late to lunch. you name it i was late for it today. and you know why? its because people didnt want to just ruin their saturdays by running 26.2 miles they wanted to ruin mine as well.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
happy to be hating
i hate that i havent been able to hate on this blog for six months because of beta. i also hate how it took me that long to remember all i needed to do what use another profile.
let's make this the best april ever!!!
commercials always ruin tv. except for those caveman geico commercials and every sonic commercial. so forget tv. well, not forget, but forgive. what i do is try and stop watching commercial tv. you might think this severely limits the quality of television programs i can view. well, you're wrong.
or i'm wrong, but let me try and convince.
here are the stations i regularly watch now:
tcm -- which never has any commercials except occasionally playing old trailers for movies they'll show later in the week (including this trailer for bananas which may be funnier than the movie)
cspan -- i don't know how to explain the greatness of cspan, you just got to watch it addictively for four months and then you'll understand
cspan2 -- see above
pbs -- this, like all the non-commercial tv, is hit and miss, but frontline is great
that might be all of the ones i can handle. as previously mentioned, they are all hit and miss, but when they hit, they kill you they're so good.
my one commercial exception is fox soccer channel but because this channel feels non-commercial. the games go on for over forty-five minutes at a time without interruption and all the companies advertised on european club uniforms are a mystery to me so i feel like i'm not being influenced as a consumer. but then the commercials come on and they're totally weird. they're either for wall-bangers (which are the english version of big-heads), soccer videos and international phone cards. the one i just saw featured americans with the smallest amount of indistinguishable ethnicity faking accents talking about how great it is to call their aunt in san paolo.
or i'm wrong, but let me try and convince.
here are the stations i regularly watch now:
tcm -- which never has any commercials except occasionally playing old trailers for movies they'll show later in the week (including this trailer for bananas which may be funnier than the movie)
cspan -- i don't know how to explain the greatness of cspan, you just got to watch it addictively for four months and then you'll understand
cspan2 -- see above
pbs -- this, like all the non-commercial tv, is hit and miss, but frontline is great
that might be all of the ones i can handle. as previously mentioned, they are all hit and miss, but when they hit, they kill you they're so good.
my one commercial exception is fox soccer channel but because this channel feels non-commercial. the games go on for over forty-five minutes at a time without interruption and all the companies advertised on european club uniforms are a mystery to me so i feel like i'm not being influenced as a consumer. but then the commercials come on and they're totally weird. they're either for wall-bangers (which are the english version of big-heads), soccer videos and international phone cards. the one i just saw featured americans with the smallest amount of indistinguishable ethnicity faking accents talking about how great it is to call their aunt in san paolo.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
HOV my ass
i recently learned that it is totally legit for motorcycles to be in the hov lane. maybe i am totally slow on this one, but wtf?! even though it annoys me, i understand buses because hey, they are indeed high occupancy vehicles. and i even understand clean fuel vehicles because i think its good that they are encouraging people to drive hybrids and stuff. but motorcycles!? how does one guy and two wheels make sense in an hov lane? why do my two extra wheels prohibit me from the same benefit? whatev. i'm over it.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
hate = good
i recently watched a very enlightening video that discusses the differences between love and hate. I’ve studied the video many times, and have begin to take the topic down a different path.
first of all, who says that love is good and hate is bad? whoever it was is probably a liar. if you disagree with me then I love you (which is worse than hating you).
let me explain: when we love ourselves or others it leads to a feeling of inequality. we value and esteem an object above others to the point that we convince ourselves that that object is worth defending (unto death?). when we hate (the true meaning of hate) we become indifferent towards this “thing”. If we really really hate the thing, we won’t want anything to do with it, and it will blend into obscurity. You might be operating under a wrong perception of hate right now, so you might be disagreeing with me. I’m not talking about the spiteful hate, where you would like to love something but because it rejects you, you end up hating it. I’m talking about hate hate. if i were talking about the rejected love, it would argue my case all the better. the spiteful hate is caused by love, so obviously love is to blame.
ever since i came to this this realization, that video is now a tragedy. the evil love wins, and hate loses. It’s too bad that I don’t hate that video or I’d be fine, but i don’t. i love it.
first of all, who says that love is good and hate is bad? whoever it was is probably a liar. if you disagree with me then I love you (which is worse than hating you).
let me explain: when we love ourselves or others it leads to a feeling of inequality. we value and esteem an object above others to the point that we convince ourselves that that object is worth defending (unto death?). when we hate (the true meaning of hate) we become indifferent towards this “thing”. If we really really hate the thing, we won’t want anything to do with it, and it will blend into obscurity. You might be operating under a wrong perception of hate right now, so you might be disagreeing with me. I’m not talking about the spiteful hate, where you would like to love something but because it rejects you, you end up hating it. I’m talking about hate hate. if i were talking about the rejected love, it would argue my case all the better. the spiteful hate is caused by love, so obviously love is to blame.
ever since i came to this this realization, that video is now a tragedy. the evil love wins, and hate loses. It’s too bad that I don’t hate that video or I’d be fine, but i don’t. i love it.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
i hate memory lane
i hate it when the first boy i ever said i love you to kills himself. i also hate that some asshole tries to tell me its not a big deal because our relationship was so long ago. effer.
i hate crying in front of people, especially when those people are my co-workers.
is this topic too intense for this blog? i agree. here are some other things i hate recently:
1. you find old journals and realize how dorky/cheesy you were/are.
2. you look at pictures that you haven't looked at in years and realize you weren't as cute as you thought you were.
- for example this jumper i had (and wore ALL the time) made entirely of denim (with a denim jacket i wore over it) it looked like this:
3. i hate how bad i am at keeping in touch with people i love.
4. i hate the pervy old man with the dresser full of gay porn that melissa dog-sat for (this doesn't really have to do with memory lane, but i still hate him and his creepy house).
5. when an ex that you do want to forget exists won't let you. then you make it worse (or better?) by dating his younger brother.
6. i kind of actually like 1, 2, and 5.
7. i hate it when i realize i actually like half the things i just hated on (including the denim jumper)
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Civil Rights Day
The first bowling alley that we went to was packed with college-aged buttholes wearing too much make-up, Ugg boots, and hair extensions. The second was charging extra because it was a holiday, and was crawling with screaming kids with slobber-covered t-shirts and moms who used her fingers to wipe their noses.
My resolution for 2007 was to improve my game. How am I supposed to do that without any goddamned practice?
My resolution for 2007 was to improve my game. How am I supposed to do that without any goddamned practice?
Monday, December 25, 2006
christmas miracles
i'm watching bad santa on tv. bad santa is, hands down, the best christmas movie ever. not that that's saying a lot. can you even think of another watchable christmas movie that doesn't have an elf wishing it could be a dentist? regardless, bad santa is a great movie. but here's the christmas miracle part: when i watch this movie on christmas (this is the first time i've ever done that), i realize that i don't hate christmas nearly as much as billy bob's character in bad santa. actually i don't know if that's a christmas miracle. i'm pretty sure i'll hate christmas as much as bill bob's character in 15 years. but this year i know i don't hate christmas as much as i should. partly because i can watch bad santa on tv. but this has it's drawbacks: they edit out all the swears.
did you know orrin hatch (yes, senator orrin hatch) recorded a christmas record? i haven't heard it, but it's gotta be great. doubting hatch's music credentials? listen to this:
"Music became an integral part of Orrin's life at a young age. Even though his parents, Helen and Jesse, were very poor, they made great sacrifices to allow their children to experiment with different instruments. At six years old, Orrin began taking piano lessons. Knowing how to play the piano gave him confidence to advance to the organ and violin.
"Lessons were not the only method Helen and Jesse used in helping their son develop an appreciation for music. Although they had to scrimp and save everything they could to round up $18.75 for student peanut-heaven seats, Orrin's parents made it possible for their children to attend every concert of the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra from when he was 12 years old until he left for college. He fondly recollects the burst of excitement he felt before each concert. His eagerness to attend the concert and his passion for the music carried him on his two-mile walk to and from each concert at the Syria Mosque."
so orrin hatch grew up poor. and now he's been in the senate for a billion years and records music including an album with the osmonds: second generation and a single titled "america united: a tribute to those who lost their lost their lives on semptember 11th." talk about a christmas miracle.
did you know orrin hatch (yes, senator orrin hatch) recorded a christmas record? i haven't heard it, but it's gotta be great. doubting hatch's music credentials? listen to this:
"Music became an integral part of Orrin's life at a young age. Even though his parents, Helen and Jesse, were very poor, they made great sacrifices to allow their children to experiment with different instruments. At six years old, Orrin began taking piano lessons. Knowing how to play the piano gave him confidence to advance to the organ and violin.
"Lessons were not the only method Helen and Jesse used in helping their son develop an appreciation for music. Although they had to scrimp and save everything they could to round up $18.75 for student peanut-heaven seats, Orrin's parents made it possible for their children to attend every concert of the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra from when he was 12 years old until he left for college. He fondly recollects the burst of excitement he felt before each concert. His eagerness to attend the concert and his passion for the music carried him on his two-mile walk to and from each concert at the Syria Mosque."
so orrin hatch grew up poor. and now he's been in the senate for a billion years and records music including an album with the osmonds: second generation and a single titled "america united: a tribute to those who lost their lost their lives on semptember 11th." talk about a christmas miracle.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
twenty somethings
I hate when all the college kids come back from Christmas break and the area of Provo around our house is busy again. It hasn't happened yet, but I hate it so much that I'm already anticipating my anger and hate. College kids driving around on our streets (if driving in snow is so terrifying that you can't go more than eight miles an hour, maybe you should just take the bus), college kids at our grocery stores and our laundromat (I just want to get to the cold cereal aisle! Stop dilly-dallying. Get out of my way!). College kids being noisy in public places (God forbid someone doesn't notice how cute and funny we are!), building snowmen (OMG! That one's so funny! It's shoveling snow/sitting on a bench/holding hands with a snowgirl/showing its snow butt!), interacting with members of the opposite sex in the most dispicable ways. College kids breathing our air. I wish they'd all die while they're home for the holidays. I hate my peers.
Friday, December 22, 2006
i love this
I definately don't hate this comic:
you can click the comic for a bigger size, or you can see it here.
you can click the comic for a bigger size, or you can see it here.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
i love everyone because i've got the holiday spirit
psyche!
does anyone know how to put yourself in a coma for like two days? because i'm wishin' i was in one. i've been sick and christmas is making me sicker.
does anyone know how to put yourself in a coma for like two days? because i'm wishin' i was in one. i've been sick and christmas is making me sicker.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
i hate the people i'm nannying for, and here's why:
we're not even going to focus on the fact that they don't spend any time with their children even when they are in the same state as them, therefore turning their children into needy, attention deprived monsters (that last word is a stretch [or complete lie], i actually love them. they're so cute [slash a pain in my probably-not-meant-to-be-a-nanny ass]). no, my hate for the people i'm nannying for stems from their innability (or disinterest) in thinking things through before leaving the state. how hard is it to think "hey, i wonder if our kids will need to eat while we're gone for two straight weeks", or "hey, since we left the fridge and pantry bare, i wonder if becky will need funds to purchase groceries for our children (and herself [what? its a perk!])", or "hey, there's no gas in the van, should we leave a debit card like we promised we would?" and lastly "hmm, if we forget all of the previously mentioned things, i wonder if becky is currently dirt poor and can't fund two weeks of our children's lives, and we should leave her money since these are, in fact, our kids...". do i need to explain my point further? i think everyone gets it. even the dead horse.
okay, so the second reason i hate them is because they thought it was a prime idea to schedule their van to be fixed 3 days after my arrival/their departure. so i had to have someone drive out here and drop off the van, leaving me carless. good thing the girls like walking to school (good thing i do too, but i still get to claim it as a point of complaint). but then i'm trapped in the house even when i do have all of those free hours during school and that just seems wrong somehow. and of course the car wasn't finished in three days like it was supposed to be, so i then had to borrow a car from my parents, forcing my dad to ride the bus (which he loves--but still, i get to claim this). oh, did i mention it was just body work being done?? WTF? what is wrong with you people? get the freaking body work done when you get back in town. its not detrimental and you're inconveniencing at least 8-10 people. if you're kids didn't worship me (this could be due to the neediness and in no way a reflection of my charming personality), and they weren't so stinking cute, i would have dropped them off in a random parking lot somewhere by now and driven off towards freedom (after the van was fixed, of course). i freaking hate you.
also, the house is haunted. but i don't really hate that.
okay, so the second reason i hate them is because they thought it was a prime idea to schedule their van to be fixed 3 days after my arrival/their departure. so i had to have someone drive out here and drop off the van, leaving me carless. good thing the girls like walking to school (good thing i do too, but i still get to claim it as a point of complaint). but then i'm trapped in the house even when i do have all of those free hours during school and that just seems wrong somehow. and of course the car wasn't finished in three days like it was supposed to be, so i then had to borrow a car from my parents, forcing my dad to ride the bus (which he loves--but still, i get to claim this). oh, did i mention it was just body work being done?? WTF? what is wrong with you people? get the freaking body work done when you get back in town. its not detrimental and you're inconveniencing at least 8-10 people. if you're kids didn't worship me (this could be due to the neediness and in no way a reflection of my charming personality), and they weren't so stinking cute, i would have dropped them off in a random parking lot somewhere by now and driven off towards freedom (after the van was fixed, of course). i freaking hate you.
also, the house is haunted. but i don't really hate that.
